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November 01 HalloweenIt's Halloween! 昨晚满大街都是奇装异服的人,到处串门。参加完一个party开车回家的路上,街上还是人潮不断,今天打开facebook更是各种奇怪的照片。我扮什么?和前两年一样,什么都没有!穿普通衣服参加halloween party其实就是最奇怪的服装,哈哈哈。。。 对我来说,即将来临的感恩节比较有意义吧。还在考虑感恩节要在哪里度过,或许会开车去Chicago吧。习惯在感恩节总结在美国的生活,不过现在就已经开始有感触,早了一点吧! 经过了疯狂的两周,这个周末过得相对轻松很多。压力基本上解除了,心里的负担也小了很多。刚刚尝试唱自己写的最后一首歌“你说”,发现完全失去感觉了。手指触碰琴键的感觉好陌生,更觉得自己声音超级难听,看来要加紧练琴和练声了! 今早看House,里面提到“the most successful marriages are based on lies”,觉得还蛮吓人的。不过之后泽彦提到,“based on trust, you trust even though you know it's a lie”,感觉这比较能够理解,但是有多少人能做到呢? 一直在倒数中,还有39天我就回到槟城。顺便提一下,从今天开始,我和你们之间又多了一小时时差,离得更远了,我要快点回去!!! October 22 Train ride?Saw a friend's post the other day. She thought life is like a train ride. When we hop onto the train, we meet a lot of people, some become our good friends, some just normal friends, and maybe one or more than one would become our lover(s). No matter how much fun and pain we have, when we arrive at our destination, getting off the train alone, the only way we know is the way to get home.... I miss home.... October 15 生活报告1。开学一个月,生活逐渐忙碌起来。刚刚完成人生第一个工作面试,感觉很不错,不管成不成,自己觉得表现不错就好了! 2。回来美国后看了两场Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra的音乐会,也看了学校乐团演了两场,明天将会有第三场,还蛮累的,哈哈! 3。今晚主持了小提琴比赛,第一次全英语主持,在台上结巴,哈哈,同学还说看到我的口在抖。 4。昨天接到一场演出,下周要演三首小提琴协奏曲,5天内要把谱子看完,时间有点紧,不过Mozart,Dvorak和Brahms,尽管放马过来,我一个一个解决! 5。斌斌到美国演出,佩诗会来和我会合去Kentucky找他,虽然要看谱,但是还是决定来一个road trip,离开一下Cincinnati。 6。机票订好了,12月10号到槟城!YEAH!!!!最近觉得好冷,想念温暖的家了。。。还好很快就可以回去了! 踏入在美国的第三个年头,很多东西都上了轨道,比较多人认识我也愿意给我机会。记得在北京好像也是一样的情况,踏入第三年,机会就慢慢来了。很高兴这几年没有白熬,会珍惜和把握每次的机会! 离理想越来越近的同时,离梦想越来越远。人生没有两全,能有“一全”就该满足了!呵呵!! 你的理想是什么?梦想又是什么呢? October 04 你说。。。又是一个让人寒心的季节 每天送出的问候 像投进海里的石头 我说过要好好学习为你打理一切 把你最爱吃的虾 都留给亲爱的你 你说过要陪我到北京 我们也说要一起去看古罗马的文明 你说你很喜欢 普济岛的浪漫和温馨 也说要带我 去留下我们的足迹 我不要美丽的爱情憧憬 那是因为它没有永恒的宿命 它不像古老的城堡 可以经历风吹和雨淋 曾经 看见你的坚持 如今你的心 像璀璨的烟火 消失在 寒风里 我相信你 依赖你 想永远的近靠着你 不管多艰辛 多无力 也永不说放弃 September 20 Ah mah (my granny) Left Malaysia for 3 weeks now, but still very much attached to the land I have grown up. This is quite extraordinary as I rarely have such strong feelings for the country even though I was brought up there. A few days ago, Ah mah came into my dream. I was so touched as she was here to teach me how to cook the dishes she used to cook for me before she passed away. She must be concerned that I might not be able to take care of myself! Weird... why didn't she come and teach me earlier? Why now? Is it because I am a better cook than before? Anyway, I haven't learnt anything from her as the alarm woke me up! Hope she'll come and teach me again! Today, while I was having breakfast, dad came into my mind. It's the taste of the food I made that reminded me of daddy. He used to make us bread with luncheon meat (午餐肉) and chili sauce. That's the taste of my dad, hahaha! Am I supposed to study scores or learn how to cook? I wonder.... Somehow my tongue is getting better than my ears, scary... September 05 又变了? 昨晚见了以前在北京一起“打拼”过的“战友”,回忆一起走过的日子,同时也看到大家在往不同方向的为自己改变。这次发现留在北京的同学们变化都相对比在马来西亚的要大,应该是大环境不太一样吧,连在新加坡的也有自己的一条路,感觉真的很奇怪,毕竟我们曾经一起为了共同目标奋斗过。那种不顾一切,没有杂念,齐心协力去做好一件事情的年代已经过去。 回到家细细的回味了一下,发现我好像使自己的生活变得复杂,让自己过得太辛苦了,好多包袱放不下,明明很顺的一条路我也要莫名其妙的丢上一堆石头让自己走的很不舒服。搞不好我真的有点变态! 不过慢慢的才发现,或许我有常把自己当受害者的倾向。在大家对我期望太高的时候,我只能借由自己为受害者,来转移其他人和自己的注意力,让大家忽略了我其实没那么大本事。我是在博取同情分吗? 是时候扔掉包袱了,是时候相信自己了,有没有能耐,就用接下来的这一年来赌吧! 詠勤跟我说:Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like it’s heaven on earth. August 30 我的选择,你的决定,还是上天的安排?好多时候,我们都无法预计自己做出的一个决定会有什么结果。 原本定了八月19号离开槟城,但因为想多陪妈妈而延迟至28才飞新加坡。就多出来的那么几天就彻底改变了我整个对槟城的感觉。自己本来就是很凭感觉的一个人,虽然早就改了机票,我还是迫不及待在两周前把行李收拾好,借此表达自己不愿在槟城多待的意愿,因为那时确实没有什么能留住我,除了已订好的机票。 殊不知在这短短的10天就出现了巨大的变化。我一直在想如果我不改机票,这一切会发生么?到底是我的决定改变一切,还是冥冥中已经有了安排?一转眼,我突然不愿意离开槟城了。是有还没完成的任务,有一股巨大的力量吸引着我,更是有家人温暖的眷恋牵引着我。突然觉得继续攀爬上高峰已经没有意义,为何不就此停下来?问题是我还停不住,我怕我回头会不甘心。。。 8月26号晚上,老爸老妈把所有兄弟姐妹都请到家里,借欢送我为由搞了一场聚会。吃着大家特别准备的拿手好菜,感受着每一分的感动。最后大家随着我的琴声,从高亢的飚歌,到最后的哽咽,再伴着屋外的暴雨拉下帷幕。 最后的几个夜晚,我都无法入睡,一躺在床上就心酸,好久没有这种揪心的感觉,好痛。。。 去机场前收到几个短信: 丽君大姐说:《常回家看看》,凯,一有时间希望常保持联络,我昨天飞去吉隆坡开会又飞回来,往返机场路上眼泪不受控制一再流。不懂是否人老了,越来越感性,很害怕分离的感觉。想到你这一次出国又会几时再回来?凯,家里现长辈们都老了,我很怕每次的聚会不知家庭成员又会少了谁和谁,心情很复杂。想到你爸爸妈妈为你们成就而高兴及感到骄傲,身为你姐姐的我也常以你为荣。但,记得再忙也要send个问候呀!我们都会想你,多保重,记得好好照顾自己噢!那时你给父母及家人最好的礼物,我们也会帮你多照顾长辈们。多保重啊,不要让自己或爱惜你的人在你的人生中留下任何遗憾。人爬得越高,越需要懂得珍惜生命的价值观。。。我们没有选择出生的权利,但是我们都有选择改变生活环境的权利。一个人,不必是最好,但一定要更好。没有人是十全十美的,但一定要力求完美。再大的困难,都会有绝处逢生的契机。立志每天活得更健康,更快乐,如果我们都老了,那么尽可能的活得老,也活得好。Take Care! 敏敏说:没时间去找你啦!今晚的时间就让你陪爸爸妈妈咯!明天也不能送你了,你自己保重!其实你这一次回来,大家都看到你的改变,比以前感性了,成熟了,也更懂得关心家人。可是我觉得你应该把不属于你的包袱放下,这样你的日子才能过得轻松些。可以的话,去北京时找张德芬的书来读读。我觉得你必须将一些旧的人生模式与信念丢弃!然后设立一个新的!好啦,大家一起加油吧!记得,“人不能由一个没有喜悦的旅程,而到达一个喜悦的终点。”不要被不开心的事影响了自己的生活。做了你该做的事,记得要放手。即使有时候得到的结果不是我们想要的,也得放下。人生本来就不完美,就看你如何在这些不完美中看到彩虹! 丽婷二姐说:凯凯,每每想起你一个人只身在远方打拼,追求你的理想心里总会有一些不舍。可能在心中还是一直把你当成我们的小弟弟。当我身边多了一个人的时候,我会希望你们都会喜欢及接受他,因为家人对我来说还是最重要的。应该很快就要上飞机了吧,祝福你,要加油哦!我们在这里会一直为你打气。别忘了常回家看看,希望我们下次见面的时间不会隔太久,要好好照顾自己哦! 以为自己会冷酷的走进槟城机场,结果却是完全相反。人若要改变,短短十天就可以了!实在没想过这次改了机票,换来的结果如此巨大,整个心境都变了! 离开槟城的一路上心情复杂,忐忑、踏实、怀疑、肯定、不舍、坚持,不过我想我还是可以很好的继续往下走,因为在背后支持我的人,力量太强了!我爱你们。。。谢谢你们坚持的陪我走了那么多年! June 30 Europe-Munich 2This is fast and not enough, my one week stay in Munich is over! I will be on my way to Salzburg tomorrow morning..... :-( For the past few days, I've been to Pinakothek Museums where there are a lot of paintings from 14th-20th centuries, met with conducting professors in University of Music in Munich, professor Weil and professor Nikolai, went to the King's summer palace and botanical garden, attended more concerts, operas performances and rehearsals, cycled around the English Garden, visited various concert halls and opera houses, walked along the river, more biking and more biking around the city and loving it. Seriously, I didn't take a lot of photos, maybe I don't feel like a tourist here. Anyway, I want to come back here!!!! Let see what may happen in a few months. Well, Salzburg I am coming! June 25 Europe-Munich 1So this is my second day in Munich. Arrived yesterday morning at 7:30am and was held by the officer of immigration. He checked my passport for almost half an hour before giving it back to me and when I rushed down to get my luggage, it was GONE! Luckily it was just moved to another spot for pick up and by the time I got out from the airport, Martin had waited for more than an hour. That doesn't seem like a great start of my trip at all!!!!! The long train ride with Martin to his place gave us a chance to catch up after December 2007. He is now a quite well-known conductor in Germany, and during my stay in Munich, I will see two different productions which he is conducting. It is great to see how far he has gone for his career as a conductor. Martin's place is lovely and I am sleeping with a Steinway grand piano and tons of music scores and CDs!!!! Guess what I want to do? Make a room like this and sleep in it for the rest of my life! Hah! Since Martin is busy with 2 productions, he asked his friend, whose name is pronounced exactly like mine, "Kay", to show me around for the first day, but unfortunately Kay left today to his mom's. Anyway, Kay took me out for a bike ride to the Munich town centre. I really miss biking especially in the rain as Munich is pretty wet and cold these few days. First impression of Munich, this is an extremely modernized city. The "old" buildings look very "young" and I don't feel they have the historical value at all even though they looked so. However, it is a great effort to re-build the city after the fire and wars. What is amazing here is the life of classical music! Martin has planned for my whole week a performance per night!!!! Thursday: Symphonieorchester des Bayerischen Rundfunks (4th in the world) playing Prokofiev #5 Friday: La Boheme Saturday: Madam Butterfly Sunday: Bavarian State Orchestra playing Bruckner #8 Monday: Munich Philharmonic playing Dvorak #8 Tuesday: Munich State opera, Aida Can you believe this??? 3 operas and 3 top orchestras in a week? I can only say I want to live in this city!!! After the bike ride, Kay and Khai went to the supermarket to buy some food for dinner. Kay is a great cook and he made a traditional Bavarian food for me, the "Semmelknodel". It was wonderful, I even learnt how to make it and everyone in Penang and Singapore, watch out because you are going to taste my "Semmelknodel" when I go back! While preparing the food, Kay and I had a great discussion about Germany, German, German music and Wagner, which gives me a lot to think of especially after the dissatisfaction of my performance on Wagner's Flying Dutchman Overture. I didn't do much today, woke up at 11:30am, went to the town area again and walked around myself. Anything special? Not really but I got myself a very nice jacket for 19 Euro. That is the good reason not to check the weather before you go to a place so that you have the excuse to buy clothes you NEED. At a second glance, Munich has a lot of Italian and French influence, maybe some Greek, and then I remembered the discussion with Kay. What I find amusing is that you couldn't really SEE German; it is more like a culture, the practice, the life style and so, just like the music. This is a huge topic which I shouldn't discuss with my limited knowledge, will just go on with my walk. After walking for 2 hours, I arrived at the Philharmoniker Hall where most of the culture activities take place. Other than the music hall, there are libraries, University of Music and theatres. It happens to be the filmfestival at this time of the year but unfortunately my schedule is full, haha!! It's a pity that tonight's performance was not Mariss Jansons but Vladimir Fedoseyev conducting Russian music and Chopin's 1st piano Concerto with Alexei Volodin, another Russian. Overall, not my favorite program but great orchestra! Well, it's 1:30am and I should go to bed now. Glad to be in Europe, YAY! December 23 即将结束的2008瀚嘉说的对,好像刚听我说感恩节,转眼又是一个感恩节。
2008,全世界瞩目的一年,转眼即将成为历史。有点遗憾没有在北京渡过2008,而且觉得北京越来越远了,不过相信终有一天会再去的。
Cincinnati现在非常冷,我已经不知道要吃什么了,所以今天试着煮了一锅皮蛋瘦肉粥。感觉这锅粥绵度很好,不过皮蛋的味道有点不足,希望下次会好一些吧。
刚打电话回家,丽君姐姐今晚开Party哦,大家都在准备吃的,我有被馋到,真羡慕。。。各位亲戚朋友,好好玩哪!
祝大家圣诞节快乐,新的一年一切顺利! |
Khai Khai |
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